From: Adam -Turin- Cooper <ACOOPER@macalstr.bitnet>
Subject:      Kirk Love FAQ The Beta Release

 NOTES ON BETA RELEASE:  This release is not that much different from the first,
 except some spelling and grammar errors have been corrected, and a couple
 additions/deletions have been made from the woman list, which effects the
 susbequent statistics, albeit not by much.  However, there is a new section
 which also covers all the women who died/were Killed after or during their
 romance with the illustrious Captain of the Enterprise, and these willl be
 indicated by a "*" at the summary, and compiled later.  Enjoy!


  Okay, you've all been waiting for it.

  In light of TOS's bad rap lately, and the enthused support of it, I'd thought
  I'd finally make up what I had been intending to make up for a long time, just
  to be some facts straight, so here we have the first annual "Kirk's Love Log",
  being an account of all his romances, feigned, sincere, past, and present.  An
  adequate measuring stick is whether or not Kirk at least kissed the woman in
  question, though there are special exceptions.  (I am not quite qualified to do
  the same for William Riker, so I leave that future document to someone else.)

  This document includes:

  (1) The names of all the women Kirk has ever romanced, and what episode/movie
  the relationship occured/was referred to, and a brief description of the
  woman/relationship, along with a "sincerity level", which is my opinion only
  (from 1 (low)-10 (high))
  (2) Stats on Kirk's love life: avg # women "loved" per season, episode, total,
  and specifics on the rate of relative increase/decrease of his romantic
  activity spanning all three seasons and movies.

  This document does NOT take any non-canon sources into account, and is based
  solely on the episodes and movies of TOS.  No attempt in this version has been
  made to describe the character too much, and explain what happens to her, and
  is instead made as an easy-to-use reference.  This is NOT intended to be a
  form of approval on my part in any way, but I think is just something that
  should be conveniently known based on all the Kirk-bashing that goes on.
  Have fun!

 --Adam


  **NOTE: These relationships are referred to on a seasonal basis, not
  necessarily a chronological basis: they would be, but I don't have enough money
  for the chronology :(  **


  THE WOMEN
  ^^^^^^^^^^

  _Season One_

   1.) Yeoman Janice Rand (Grace Lee Whitney): although no official romance was
  ever stirred for her (and indeed, she was dropped from the show's format
  because of her inhibiting influence on Kirk's capacity to have flings), several
  episodes hinted subtly and blatantly at his feelings for her.  See #5 "The
  Enemy Within", #7 "The Naked Time", and #12 "Miri" for references.  Sincerity
  level: 8
   2.) Eve McHuron (Karen Steele): again, as is evident from Kirk's
  portrayal in the early episodes, no formal romance is established, but there IS
  a basis of attraction, however short-lived, and somewhat artificial.  See #4
  "Mudd's Women".  Sincerity level: 3
   3.) Andrea (Sherry Jackson): difficult to label this as an official romance,
  as Andrea was an adroid built by the Exoites.  Her relationship with him was
  purely artificial, and essentially "came onto" him for ulterior reasons
  designed by Roger Korby.  See #10 "What Are Little Girls Made Of?".  Sincerity
  level: 1 *
   4.) Dr. Helen Noel (Marianna Hill): first top-notch working girl Kirk is ever
  involved with.  He had had a brief "one-night" relationship with her which he
  was reminded of when visiting the Tantalus colony with her as his unexpected
  assistant.  His feelings of attraction were artificially swelled by Dr. Adams'
  Neural Neutralizer, but later dispelled.  See #11 "Dagger of the Mind".
  Sincerity level: 2
   5.) Lenore Karidian (Barbara Anderson): daughter of Anton Karidian (Gov Kodos
  of Tarsus IV).  Relationship was blatantly forged by Kirk to find out more
  about Karidian, but later the Captain developed some level of more sincere
  feelings for her.  Tragic ending as Lenore goes insane.  See #13 "Conscience of
  the King".  Sincerity level: 4 *
   6.) Areel Shaw (Joan Marshall): another top-notch working girl, this time a
  brilliant lawyer.  Kirk refers to their old fling when he sees her again while
  undergoing court martial proceedings.  Seems a pretty typical past romance.
  See #15 "Court Martial".  Sincerity level: 4
   7.) Yeoman Helen Johannson (No actress): presumably a brief romance of the
  past that is referred to by Miss Piper while Kirk has a conference with
  Commodore Mendez.  Nothing ever develops in the episode, and the allusion is a
  brief and amusing one.  See #16 "The Menagerie".  Sincerity level: 2
   8.) Ruth (Shirley Bonn): an old flame of Kirk's while he was at the Academy.
  She is briefly and artificially "reincarnated" while Kirk visits the
  Caretaker's World.  He seems as if he was pretty serious about her, even as an
  artificial construct... .  I am taking the liberty of identifying her as the
  same "little blonde lab technician" referred to by Gary Mitchell in #2 "where
  No Man Has Gone Before", but this is pure conjecture.  See #17 "Shore Leave".
  Sincerity level: 7
   9.) Sister Edith Keeler (Joan Collins): the quintessential apotheosis of
  Kirk's romances, and generally regarded as a more accepted one.  Kirk met her
  and loved her while traveling back into Earth's history to find McCoy.  Tragic
  ending as he was forced to let Edith die to set history right.  See #28 "The
  City on the Edge of Forever".  Sincerity level: 10 *


 _Season Two_

 10.) Sylvia (Antoinette Bower): another false relationship where Kirk's sole
 motive was the safety of his ship and his shipmates.  The relationship was
 quite short-lived and rather unappealing, as Sylvia could read Kirk's true
 feelings, and was really an alien whose natural form was a little pipe-cleaner
 slug.  See #30 "Catspaw".  Sincerity level: 1 *
 11.) Marlena Moreau (Barbara Luna): the "Captain's woman" that our Kirk
 discovered while in the Mirror universe.  Admittedly he treated her better
 than the Mirror Kirk must have, but all in all the relationship was a mixture
 of hormones and pity.  See #39 "Mirror, Mirror".  Sincerity level: 3
 12.) Dr. Janet Wallace (Sarah Marshall): again, no real relationship offered in
 the show ("love, or a going-away present"), but a past romance was very
 definitely referred to.  Another relationship doomed to failure because of
 Kirk's dedication to his ship, and the woman's dedication to her science.  See
 #40 "The Deadly Years".  Sincerity level: 5
 13.) Drusilla (Lois Jewell): a paltry one-nighter with Claudius Marcus'
 personal slave.  One of the more sexist relationships of the series, with
 Claudius Marcus wanting to give Kirk a few last moments "as a man", and Kirk
 definitely appreciating it.  See #43 "Bread and Circuses".  Sincerity level: 1
 14.) Nona (Nancy Kovack): an artifical relationship brought about by the drugs
 and charms of the mystic wife of Kirk's friend Tyree on planet Neural.  When
 Nona is killed while betraying her tribe, Kirk does not shed a tear.  See #45
 "A Private Little War".  Sincerity level: 1 *
 15.) Shahna (Angelique Pettyjohn): Kirk gets involved with this fellow "thrall"
 while in captivity on planet Triskelion.  In typical Kirk fashion, he succeeds
 in convincing her that personal freedom, idealism, and kissing is the way to
 live, before leaving her (voluntarily) behind on Triskelion.  This may be the
 best example of Kirk at his stereotyped worst.  See #46 "The Gamesters of
 Triskelion".  Sincerity level: 4
 16.) Kelinda (Barbara Bouchet): Kirk seduces this Kelvan in an attempt to
 expose the "weaknesses" of the Kelvans now that they have assumed human form.
 He succeeds overwhelmingly.  See #50 "By Any Other Name".  Sincerity level: 3
 17.) Thalassa (Diana Muldaur): technically this was a romance of Sargon, while
 in Kirk's body, who wanted to take advantage of Thalassa while in Dr. Ann
 Mulhall's body.  Kirk gets off the hook here but I though I'd add it anyway.
 See #51 "Return to Tomorrow".  Sincerity level: 9 (not for Kirk, though-- I am
 keeping her in anyway just to appease those people who though that Dr. Anne
 Mulhall was a candidate for this list)


 _Season Three_

 18.) Elaan (France Nuyen): although it's safe to assume Kirk might have "put
 the moves" on her anyway, this time our Captain was subject to the intoxicating
 effect of the chemical composition of Elaan's tears.  Kirk gets over it by
 remembering his first love is the Enterprise.  See #57 "Elaan of Troyius".
 Sincerity level: 3
 19.) Miramanee (Sabrina Scharf): rather an atypical romance for Captain Kirk,
 as he is totally dedicated, sincere, and willing to settle down and be a family
 man in the Native American style.  Of course, once he gets his memories back
 this pretty much goes away.  See #58 "The Paradise Syndrome".  Sincerity
 level: 10 *
 20.) Deela (Kathie Brown): a rather amusing relationship where the queen of the
 accelerated Scalosians needs to find men to help repopulate her people.
 Although seemingly a serious romance, the writing and handling cannot help make
 it seem a little ridiculous.  In the end, based on the differences in their
 metabolisms, the relationship ends and Deela stays behindon Scalos.  See #68
 "Wink of an Eye".  Sincerity level: 5
 21.) Marta (Yvonne Craig): the ONLY "green slave girl" Kirk has a relationship
 with, and a rather brief and unfounded one at that.  Essentially it is Marta
 who, at the behest of Garth of Izar, seeks out Kirk, who is quite responsive,
 but still mamanges to be alert enough to keep her from killing him (reminds one
 of James Bond).  Marta is blown up by Garth later in the episode.  See #71
 "Whom Gods Destroy".  Sincerity level: 2 *
 22.) Odona (Sharon Acker): another "babe" Kirk whom Kirk romances, even though
 he should really have been interrogating her as to why the entire Enterprise
 crew seems to have disappeared.  They had some substance to their fling, but
 her purpose of being there was to contract the potnetially fatal disease Vegan
 choriomengitis and help kill off some of the population of her overcrowded home
 planet.  See #72 "The Mark of Gideon".  Sincerity level: 5
 23.) Rayna Kapec (Louise Sorel): a somewhat teenage-ish relationship that
 nevertheless effects Kirik very deeply.  He meets Rayna while visiting Holberg
 917-G and investigating Flint, later to discover that she is an android built
 be Flint to be the "perfect woman", and Flint's jealousy matches his age, and
 he and Kirk actually (gag) fight over Rayna, who short circuits, unable to deal
 with the intensity of her emotions for both men.  Kirk is allowed to forget the
 pain associated with the incident with Spock's mindmelding help.  See #76
 "Requiem for Methuselah".  Sincerity level: 9 *
 24.) Dr. Janice Lester (Sandra Smith): yet another old relationship of Kirk's
 that was doomed to end because of Lester's domineering resentment of Kirk's
 superior capabilities as a starship Captain.  In this episode, he meets her
 again, and she uses an aline device on Camus II to switch bodies with the
 unwilling Captain.  Everything turns out okay, and Kirk gets his own body back,
 to the relief of the female population of the galaxy.  See #79 "Turnabout
 Intruder".  Sincerity level: 6


 _The Movies_

 25.) Dr. Carol Marcus (Bibi Besch): an old, serious flame of Kirk's, with whom
 he had a son, David, that he has not seen until this film.  The first look at
 an older, less fiery relationship on the part of Kirk, although his love for
 his ship and her love for her work would never allow them to be happy together.
 There is also speculation that Carol could be the aforementioned "little
 blonde lab technician" also.  See "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan".
 Sincerity level: 9
 26.) Dr. Gilian Taylor (Catherine Hicks): Kirk has a pretty subdued,
 intellectual romance with this cetacean biologist he meets while traveling to
 20th century Earth to find some humpback whales in an attempt to save the
 planet.  She basically drops him to pursue her new career in the future, and
 Kirk never gets even gets her telephone number.  See "Star Trek IV: The Voyage
 Home".  Sincerity level: 6
 27.) Martia (Iman): Kirk shows, in a very brief example, that he can still
 "think with his glands", if he needs to get out of another impossible
 situation, although he later shows his inteliigence and power of deduction by
 seeing through the shapeshifter's ploy to help them escape.  After assuming the
 form of Kirk himself, she is later blown away by the Klingons who attempt to
 recapture Kirk and McCoy.  See "Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country".
 Sincerity level: 1 *



 STATISTICS:
 ^^^^^^^^^^^

         I don't know if the results are surprising to anyone or not, but here
 they are in a more mathematical format:

 1.) Total Number of Romances: 27
 2.) Average Number of Romances per "adventure" (78 episodes with Kirk plus 6
 feature films): 27/84= .3214.  This translates also as Kirk had a relationship
 in 32.14%, or a little under one-third, of his adventures.
 3.) Total Number of Romances in First Season: 9
 4.) Total Number of Romances in Second Season: 8
 5.) Total Number of Romances in Third Season: 7
 6.) Average Number of Romances per season: 8.0
 7.) Average Number of Romances during the TV series: 24/78= .3076.  This
 translates as Kirk having a relationship in 30.76% of the episodes, so a bit
 over one-quarter.
 8.) Total Number of Romances in Movies: 3
 9.) Average Number of Romances per Film: 3/6= .5.  This translates easily
 enough as Kirk having a romance in 50% of his feature film adventures, a much
 higher rate than in the episodes, but of course, statistically inflated because
 of the small sample size.
 10.) Distribution of Sincerity in Relationships (1 (low)- 10 (high)

  1's= 5
  2's= 3
  3's= 4
  4's= 3
  5's= 3
  6's= 2
  7's= 1
  8's= 1
  9's= 3
  10's= 2


        In terms of Sincerity analysis we come to the embarassing conclusion
 that Kirk was much more frequently involved with low-sincerity relationships
 (1-3), albeit some of them were forced or necessary, than middle ones (4-7),
 and less high-sincerity relationships (8-10) than middle ones.  This is
 somewhat predictable, as we might expect a person to have fewer real meaningful
 relationships than simple "one-nighters".  However, we also reach the startling
 statistic that Kirk actually had _less_ romatic interludes as the series went
 on; that is to say, the third (and generally accepted as the worst) season of
 Star Trek had the fewest relationships for Kirk, and vice versa for the first.

 11.) Total Number of High Sincerity Relationships: 6/27 or 22.22%
 12.) Total Number of Middle Sincerity Relationships: 9/27 or 33.33%
 13.) Total Number of Low Sincerity Relationships: 12/27 or 44.44%
 14.) Number of High Sincerity Relationships in First Season: 2/9 or 22.0%
 15.) Number of Middle Sincerity Relationships in First Season: 3/9 or 33.0%
 16.) Number of Low Sincerity Relationships in First Season: 4/9 or 44.44%
 17.) Number of High Sincerity Relationships in Second Season: 1/8 or 12.5%
 18.) Number of Middle Sincerity Relationships in Second Season: 2/8 or 25.0%
 19.) Number of Low Sincerity Relationships in Second Season: 4/8 or 50.0%
 20.) Number of High Sincerity Relationships in Third Season: 1/7 or 14.29%
 21.) Number of Middle Sincerity Relationships in Third Season: 3/7 or 42.86%
 22.) Number of Low Sincerity Relationships in Third Season: 2/7 or 28.57%
 23.) Number of High Sincerity Relationships in Movies: 1/3 or 33%
 24.) Number of Middle Sincerity Relationships in Movies: 1/3 or 33%
 25.) Number of Low Sincerity Relationships in Movies: 1/3 or 33%


        In terms of death toll to romances, the following statistics were
 calculated, albeit they are not taking into account whether or not Kirk was the
 direct cause of the woman's death or not.  The general trend seems to be about
 1/3 of Kirk's relationships end in the death of the leading lady.

 26.) Total Number of Deaths: 9
 27.) Number of Relationships Ending in Death: 9/27 or 33.33%
 28.) Number of 1st Season Relationships Ending in Death: 3/9 or 33.33%
 29.) Number of 2nd Season Relationships Ending in Death: 2/8 or 25.0%
 30.) Number of 3rd Season Relationships Ending in Death: 3/7 or 42.85%

        One last comment: the general consensus of the third season lacking
 quality is certainly supported by this set of statistics, which show that
 although Kirk has the least amount of relationships in the third season,
 nearly half of these end in tragic death for the female.  Tsk, tsk.

        So there you have it.  The statistics can be calculated ad nauseum, but
 I figure this is probably all that would be necessary for a basic FAQ on the
 subject.

  --Adam


================================================================================
| Adam John Cooper      |       "Verily, often have I laughed at the weaklings |
| (612) 696-7521        |          who thought themselves good simply because  |
| acooper@macalstr.edu  |                       they had no claws."            |
================================================================================
| "Understand one another?  I fear I am beyond your comprehension." --Gandalf  |
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